Dear Femme Fever,
Last year I told my girlfriend about my desires to dress and to my surprise, she was pretty cool about it. She even bought me some sexy outfits and we had “play” nights… both of us dressed up. For about a year we were both into it and had a lot of fun sharing this side of me.
Now, all of a sudden she has told me that she doesn’t want to see me dressed anymore and hates it. She won’t discuss it and has told me that I should just be happy that I was able to express it with her for the time she went along with it.
What do you think is going on? Why would she do a complete 180?
Dear Anonymous Misses,
I actually hear this a lot. My guess is that because she was “ok” with it, and it was so enjoyable for you that you perhaps overloaded her and your relationship with it. Things can start out as “ok” but quickly become not so ok if one party talks about it too much or makes it an essential part of the relationship.
Your partner wants to feel like she is all you need. Like this is fun and ok but once it becomes more important then she is, well…
Much like having a lover or cheating – this other woman in you must not take the attention away form your partner or it becomes a threat.
Also, it is apparent this was fun and games for her, which is great. But, she was attracted to you as a man and surely that is what she wants to see most of around the house. Perhaps you spent a bit too much time “dressed”?
My advice is always balance. And, should one be fortunate enough to have a partner who goes along with this side of you- I strongly advise to never give “it” more attention then you do her or push it on her. As that is a formula most often resulting in that complete 180 you wrote about.
I hope this advice helps a bit. Best of luck with everything.
We’ll be back next week with a new Q & A and remember ANYONE can send their questions to Karen@FemmeFever.com . Each week we’ll be choosing one question to answer on our blog.