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Dear Femme Fever | Q & A

February 7, 2016 in Advice and Support / Dear Femme Fever Reader

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Dear Femme Fever,

Last year I told my girlfriend about my desires to dress and to my surprise, she was pretty cool about it. She even bought me some sexy outfits and we had “play” nights… both of us dressed up. For about a year we were both into it and had a lot of fun sharing this side of me.

Now, all of a sudden she has told me that she doesn’t want to see me dressed anymore and hates it. She won’t discuss it and has told me that I should just be happy that I was able to express it with her for the time she went along with it.

What do you think is going on? Why would she do a complete 180?

Sincerely,

Anonymous Misses

 


 

Dear Anonymous Misses,

I actually hear this a lot. My guess is that because she was “ok” with it, and it was so enjoyable for you that you perhaps overloaded her and your relationship with it. Things can start out as “ok” but quickly become not so ok if one party talks about it too much or makes it an essential part of the relationship.

Your partner wants to feel like she is all you need. Like this is fun and ok but once it becomes more important then she is, well…

Much like having a lover or cheating – this other woman in you must not take the attention away form your partner or it becomes a threat.

Also, it is apparent this was fun and games for her, which is great. But, she was attracted to you as a man and surely that is what she wants to see most of around the house. Perhaps you spent a bit too much time “dressed”?

My advice is always balance. And, should one be fortunate enough to have a partner who goes along with this side of you- I strongly advise to never give “it” more attention then you do her or push it on her. As that is a formula most often resulting in that complete 180 you wrote about.

I hope this advice helps a bit. Best of luck with everything.

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We’ll be back next week with a new Q & A and remember ANYONE can send their questions to Karen@FemmeFever.com . Each week we’ll be choosing one question to answer on our blog.

Guest Blogger | Meet Edy Nathan

December 13, 2015 in Advice and Support

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The After Dinner Blues: The Undress and Grief

In the last year, I have had the privilege to meet many people who are bi-gendered. Mostly male to female, I dine with a group who meet at the same restaurant once a month. They are dressed, perfumed, perfectly made-up, and socializing with the affect and vibrancy of the women they carry within their biology.

The invitation to be part of their intimate journey has shown me their joy when they transform their look from male to female and the grief when they must undress her to enter back into the discomfort of the daily act. At the beginning of the evening, everyone is chatty, drink in hand, laughing, smiling, commenting on attire, make-up and just so happy to be out. Yet, as the evening gets closer to its end, the chit-chat wanes, the calm and joy slowly fade, as the pall of grief begins to surface.

Through the looking glass of transformation, it starts in their eyes and moves tenuously through their bodies. Walking a bit more stiffly, the elegance with which they swayed is now tempered by the resilience it takes to go back into the world as him and not her. The crisis of the soul is what causes the grief to surface. They face having to live a second life that is secret and discrete. As the sun sets and they go into the shadows of the night, they return home to wives or significant others, anxious and sad and perhaps a bit relieved. Relieved that they once again were able to mask what they have been doing. The grief involves the depth of sadness and anxiety that are aroused when she must go publically dormant. Becoming her relieves stress and anger as she steps into a power that is not honored or felt by him.

The next time you look into the eyes of someone who is struggling between two worlds, understand that you are seeing someone masking the complexion of their grief. The picture of being found out remains coursing through their brains even though they are compelled to honor who they dishonor throughout their days or weeks or years of living with two parts: the male and the female.

-Edy Nathan

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We thank Edy for being a guest blogger on the Femme Fever blog.

You can visit Edy Nathan’s website by visiting, www.edynathan.com and for those of you who sign up for her newsletter you will receive a free mediation via email. So be sure to take advantage of that opportunity!

You can also visit Edy Nathan’s Center for Sex Therapy at, centerforsextherapy.com  

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